ANONYMOUS

Alright hot shot.

You wake up in a typical apartment bedroom.  You’re laying on a bed and someone has placed a motion triggered bomb on your chest.  You have nothing within you arm’s reach that can help you.  What do you do?! What do you do?!

KYLE

(sleepily) Hello? Who is this?

ANONYMOUS

Tick tock, tick tock.  You don’t have all day Kyyyyle. What do you do?

KYLE

Um. I guess, I just accept my fate and maybe do something bad ass like try to throw it off me and then jump out the window….or something like that. *yawn*

ANONYMOUS

Oh. Uh.  Well. You have a date coming over in a half hour.  You just finished boiling the spaghetti, but find you DON’T HAVE ANY SAUCE! What do you do? What do you do?!!

KYLE

*huff* I guess I would go to the grocery store down the street and buy some.

ANONYMOUS

Ah Ah Ah.  There are rules Kyle. No involving any grocery employees. And nothing tomato based.

KYLE

I guess I suck it up and buy some alfredo. Maybe a pesto. I dunno. Listen, I was sleeping.  Is there a point to this?

ANONYMOUS

OH THERE’S A POINT!! YOU OWE ME MONEY KYLE! 34.5 DOLLARS! It’s my nest egg Kyle.  When you get my age, you gotta think about these things!

KYLE

…who is this?

ANONYMOUS

NO! Its no one. Now just give me my money. Slip it under your door.

KYLE

Is this…..Dennis Hopper from Speed?

DENNIS HOPPER

Huh? No. Of course not.

KYLE

Yea it is. I’ve told you mutliple times, DO NOT CALL HERE! This is a breach of the restraining order. You know that!

DENNIS HOPPER

But I have….more pop quizzes….

KYLE

FUCK you. Alright. I’m hanging up now. This happens every god damn night. If you call here again, I’m calling the cops. Again.

OH.  And I do have my own rules. If you call back as King Koopa, I get to stomp your fucking head in. You ruined my childhood dreams of a good Mario movie! And now you look like a creepy goblin of a man. Good night!

*HANG UP*