Controlled Combustion

Also Known as:
Human Torch Syndrome (HTS) or “Holy fuck, that guy’s on fire!”

Prime Examples:
Human Torch (both of them), Firestorm, Ghost Rider

Description:
Controlled combustion is the ability to engulf your entire or parts of your body in flames. In doing so, in most cases, you also gain the ability to control said flames by using them to propel you through the air or throwing them at your enemies. 

Associated Powers:

• Flying - You can literally propel yourself through the air at super sonic speeds by shooting a flame from your ass. It’s like every 11 year old boy’s wet dream.

• Fire Manipulation - You can shoot fire. From anywhere. ANY. WHERE.

• Warm Tootsies - Your body is basically a kerosene heater. You will never be cold. Ever. Guess who hates being cold? Chicks.  That’s right, believe it or not, the prospect of being with a dude that could keep them warm at all times is a huge turn on for ladies. Use it wisely.

• Insane Grudge fuck abilities - While we don’t condone what many refer to as “the grudge fuck.” We do recognize that if you can ignite your p or va-g while someone is up in you, that is quite possibly the most sinister revenge ever.

Weaknesses:

• Gay Jokes - Prepare to hear every variation on the joke relating you to being a “flamer.”

• Fire Codes - Due to state, city, and federal regulations, you aren’t allowed to enter most buildings. That includes all the places you need to go to survive: supermarkets, apartment buildings, your work place.  How’s a man to make a decent wage when the company considers you such an insurance risk they have to let you go? And they won’t even let you within a 100 yards of a government building.  So if you do save the world, the President will thank you via teleconference as you sit in your cave home. Alone.

• Insurance Companies - Habitual smokers have a hard enough time getting proper coverage.  Yet oddly enough, when you could go up in flames at any time, insurance companies are even less likely to insure your health, home, family, cars, or anything you’ll come in contact with.  And even if they did, your rates would be astronomical. How would you pay them without a job?

• Water - It owns you. In every way possible.  And in case you haven’t noticed, its abundant here on Earth. May heaven help you if you’re ever forced to fight an army of 4th graders armed with Super Soakers.  Those things are high tech weaponry now.

Obtaining Controlled Combustion**:
Gamma Rays, being a robot, atomic explosions, there are a number of ways to gain the power of controlled combustion.  But none of the ones I listed are practical or cheap. While is it usually easy to get the combustion part to work,  “controlling” it is always a bit of an issue.  The best way is to prepare in advance, and follow these steps.

1) Fill two 5 gallon buckets with gasoline.

2) Pack one bucket with sponges (big or small, its your choice).

3) Strip naked and cake yourself with petroleum jelly.

4) Pour bucket of gasoline over your head.

5) Ignite yourself.

6) Go crazy! Throw your flaming sponges like they’re fireballs from your palms.

We realize that this process won’t give you this power permanently nor does it give you real control over it.  However, it does simulate it very well.  And not to be an ass, but technically you can control when you light yourself on fire and when to drop and roll.  Soooo, close enough.

HOWEVER! This is also step 1 in “How to become a disfigured mercenary assassin.” So, stick around for that.

- Kyle

[** - Do this, we want you to die. We have no remorse.]