Now its time for a story that happened “in real life” or “IRL” as we web people call it.

Some of you may or may not know this, but I work at a race track.  While I don’t actually work for the track, my offices do happen to be located there.  Which means, I have to navigate roving crowds of degenerate and sad gamblers almost every day.  It also means that due to shitty work conditions, I must share restroom facilities with these people.  And as you might imagine, this leads to many wonderful memories.

Ah. Memories.  Like the one time I when I found an elderly gentleman washing his genitals in the sink.  You know, during peak hours with 6 or 7 other people in the restroom.  No one else seemed to be especially bothered by it. I guess I’m a huge prude.

Or maybe the homeless man that lives in the bathroom facilities nearest my office.  We’re becoming fast friends.  At first I thought he was an odd cookie. He’d build a nest of shitty toilet paper and sleep there for the night.  But that was before I met him! There’s something about walking in on a half naked man taking a bath in a sink that really brings two people close.  I’m meeting him later today to share a 40 oz. and loaf of bread.  Gonna be a good day.

But by far the best was the other day.  While walking to the restroom, I noticed an older asian gentleman making his way there as well.  We locked eyes for an awkward moment before entering the bathroom.  I silently made my way to the stall of my choosing, with the asian gentleman close behind. As I made my selection, the man chose the stall right next to my own. WHICH IS IN DIRECT VIOLATION OF BATHROOM ETIQUETTE!

I got over it though.  I did my business.  But I soon realized something was amiss.  I didn’t see the man’s feet in the stall next to mine…maybe I saw it wrong.  He might be a few stalls down. But then I hear him. I can hear him shuffling, and hitting the stall wall next to me.  This….worries me. I take a quick peak under the stall, no feet next to me or all the way down the isle of stalls.    Where. The fuck. IS HE?

I envisioned something like this…

Then my concern was replaced with intrigue. Maybe he’s conducting business in a way I’ve never thought of.  Channeling some kind of ancient chakra that allows him to evacuate his bowls in a way that brings him closer to God.

While lost in thought, I saw his feet come down in the stall beside me and like the wind, he was gone.  I guess I’ll never know what was going on in the stall beside me.  And I suppose I don’t want to.

- K