Superpower Encyclopedia: Invisibility

Also Known As:
Clearility, Seethroughity, Wherethefuckity

Primary Examples:
Invisible Woman, Wonder Woman’s Jet, Predator

Description:
Invisibility is the power where one is free to walk around completely naked through public or private locations without fear or threat or persecution. An individual with invisibility spends most of their time in locker rooms or just in showers in general. While the power’s most famous example is the Invisible woman,invisibility is most prevalent in males. The lack of a strong invisible male superstar is because most males with invisibility keep their power secret and rather then using their power to fight evil like Mrs. Invisible, guys use it almostexclusively to feed their boob addiction.

Associated Powers:

- Free Concerts/Movies/Slam Poetry events: If they can’t see you go in, why pay?  Just BE CAREFUL:  If you’re adamant about sitting in a seat, make sure you keep an eye out for unsuspecting people sitting in your chair.  Your wiener will do things to their butt, and while accidental, it’s probably still considered some form of inviso-rape.

- 24/7 Boob Vision - All aboard the Boob Train(tm) to Bonertown! Next stop Mammary Mountain!

- Constant Erections: Yeah baby. That’s right.

Weaknesses:

- Constant Erections: OK. It’s kind of starting to throb. Longest I’ve had an erection before this is about 20 minutes.  But, I can’t NOT look at all the boobs. I have a free pass. I need to be doing this all the time otherwise I am wasting my gift. All the boobs, all the time regardless of what happens to me. I’m going to take one for the team. For all men everywhere who CAN’T stare at boobs all the time, in the locker rooms and the showers and the orgys and the Pillow fights and the sweet sixteen parties and the friends of my girlfriend’s showers.  I MUST CARRY ON.

- Baby Powder / Flour / Cocaine: Pretty hard to stay invisible with little flecks of white powder sticking to your body. Be sure to steer clear of Baby changing stations, bakeries, and super awesome hollywood sex parties.

- Still making noise: While people can’t see you, you still make noise. Whether sneezing or manipulating yourself in the corner of the room, you MUST be quiet.  You blow your cover and you blow it for the rest of the Invisible dudes living the dream.


Obtaining Invisibility:

Invisibility as far as powers go, is actually a pretty easy one to obtain. As a matter of fact, several have discovered this power by accident!

1. Pick your favorite drug. Cocaine, liquor, heroin. Any will do. Buy a decent amount. At least a couple pounds/cases worth to get your started. It must be enough to last a couple months. From now on, all money you make must go towards increasing this supply.
2. Ration out your drug in gradually increasing increments.
3. Start taking your drug and slowly start upping your tolerance/dependence.
4. Continue taking your drug. At this point, if you have a wife and/or children, they will leave.
5. Continue taking your drug. At this point, you will lose your job.
6. Continue taking your drug. At this point you will sell your last piece of furniture for another boost in your drug supply.
7. Continue taking your drug. At this point, you will be evicted and only have the clothes on your back and a jonesing for your drug of choice.
8. Obtain a shopping cart.

CONGRATULATIONS! You are now invisible! Join the ranks of your brethren in most major metropolitan cities in the southern half of the U.S! Masturbate everywhere and anywhere you want and no one will say a damn thing!

SOME GUY: Excuse me… Mr. Author. I’m pretty sure with this method I still won’t be able to get into events/parties/girls locker rooms unnoticed.
MR. AUTHOR: Well, Since you inquired, I have a special offer JUST FOR YOU! Please send me your credit card, billing address and cell phone number and I’ll send you a vile of invisible fluid for the real deal!
SOME GUY: IT’S ON IT’S WAY.