10-16-09

Oh God no.
It’s happened again.  I woke up in the river bed a couple miles from my house again this morning.  Completely nude, flailing around in the shallows.  It’s just a matter of time before someone finds me there or catches me on one of my brisk walks back home.  

At first, it would only happen every couple months or so. I’d wake up and have no recollection of the night after I went to sleep.  I thought I was suffering some kind of extreme sleep walking. I ignored it. Then it started happening more and more often, my doctor ran tests on me.  We did a couple of those overnight sleep studies…but to no avail.  Now they’re happening once or twice every week. I CAN’T TAKE IT.

Now the only thing worse than waking up with mild hypothermia is the dreams.  I don’t know if they’re memories of the night or what. They’re very segmented and hard to remember but I am having them.

11/12/09

It had been a solid three weeks since the last “incident.”  Then last night happened. It was just like the other times but far more vivid.  I remember getting up and running to the river in a naked frenzy.  I began tearing down trees and tearing them to splinters.  I woke up, splinters all over my hand, nubs of fallen trees all around me. And…I took a shit today that you could have started a fire with.

This needs to stop.

11/14/09

OH.
MY.
FUCK.

They have a tape. I saw it on the news. Its a fucking tape.  It was like a Big Foot video, all grainy and dark.  Only it was of this giant, hulking creature stumbling around the river bed where I woke up last night.  I know its me.  It can’t possibly be me, but I know it is.  People are freaking out all over town.

Oh God. What am I? ‘An American Werewolf in London’ keeps flashing through my head. Do I awaken in the evening to stalk my town as a giant man eating beast? I knew being a creature of the night wouldn’t be as cool as ‘Teen Wolf’ made it out to be…

11/21/09

I’m a giant beaver. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

OF ALL THE COOL THINGS I COULD TURN INTO! I’M A GIANT FUCKING BEAVER!! The same dude set up a camera in a tree to catch ‘the beast’ on tape again.  It’s a giant beaver…I’M a giant beaver.  All I do every night is gnaw on some trees and build a dam. That’s all I do. Every night. No killing sprees. No howling at the moon.  I’m not even chasing down other animals to kill.  I am literally acting in harmony with nature and the people around me.

They say they dams I’ve been constructing have actually been helping the local farmers in the area.  Something to do with a faulty irrigation system.  I’M GIANT BEAVER THAT LACKS ANY HINT OF BLOODLUST AND HELPS OUT HIS SURROUNDING COMMUNITY! They’re giving me the key to the city. My parents couldn’t be more proud.
I fucking hate this. Next week I’ll probably be replacing the old swingsets in the park or filling a pot hole on main street. Or maybe I’ll use my big flat tail and some clay from the creek bed to make adobe housing for Habitat for Humanity!!

FUCK SAKE!

I’m not saying I WANT to kill everyone I know. But could I at least maim a small animal once in a while? This is bullshit.