I think we could all do without menstruation.

Let’s be honest. Nothing good comes of it. A) Its messy. B) The mood swings and cramps do NO ONE any good. And finally, and most importantly, point C) No one gets laid for a week. Naturally, there are naysayers. People who would be quick to point out that without the process of menstruation we would be unable to continue to propagate life on Earth. That we would be abandoning the “beautiful and natural process” of child bearing so we could avoid 4-5 days of inconvenience. And to those people I ask, have you seen the movie Gattaca?

Test tube babies are the wave of the future.

Think about it. Women would no longer have to suffer the agony of traditional child birth, or experience the pain and mental anguish that go along with their monthly cycles. Having a baby is a horrifyingly painful and gross process, with blood and gore that rival any Rob Zombie film. There is nothing beautiful or natural about it. In fact, what transpires is about as unnatural as you can get. I could make a “large food item through a small passage” metaphor right now but I’ll spare you. All you need to know is most women soil themselves in the process and when it’s all said and done you have a child that looks like Benjamin Button repelling from a skin rope. But the point is, I don’t think there is a woman on the face of God’s green Earth that wouldn’t mind forgoing THAT process.

Oh sure, being able to make your children in a lab would inevitably lead us down a road that plunges our society into a dystopia where we are discriminated for our genes rather than our gender, race, or religion. Those of us with inferior genes would be forced to give up our dreams and settle for work as janitors or any other job that involved cleaning up shit or vomit.

No janitor feels this good about his life…I mean mop.

But how awesome would those first 10 or 20 years be?! Come on! Sex whenever you want. No more spending money on all those pesky birth control pills. No cramps. Plus, I don’t have to ever overhear or be involved in a conversation about periods ever again. Unless its something along the lines of “Remember when we had periods? That was silly.”

The only down side: dudes would still have to wear condoms. Bummer. I know. But who knows fellas. By the time of test tube babies, maybe….just maybe, they’ll have invented the cock force field.

And I think we could all get behind that.

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Kyle
Twitter @kamcvey @LOLjoeyANDkyle @mooncounty